I’m hitting my big 21 this year and I’ve stumbled upon a lot of articles on the things you should be embracing/doing during your 20s, how being single is better than in a relationship during this life phase, but I am actually happily in love, as cliché as it sounds. It shook me a while and caught me off guard, overwhelmed me a little till I sort my thoughts out. And I’ve decided to share my thoughts with people out there who actually felt the same way as I do. No worries, ‘not all hopes are lost’!
1. Making new friends/building your contacts
I seldom use the phrase ‘building your contacts’ because it feels like you’re getting to know someone with a certain intention or motive. To put it bluntly, making use of them for your benefits. Why make friends for the sake of wanting business contacts? Why not be business partners then end up being friends? At least, you achieved and clinched something based on your experience, ability and credibility. Or even so, do it genuinely. I always believed in treating others as how you want to be treated. After all, the world doesn’t revolve around you. Take some care and show some concern, even to a stranger, listen to their past, stories and experiences, you may actually learn something out of it. Being a healthy relationship is to give each other freedom in making new friends, together or individually. It is about two independent individual being together (there’s a fine line between independency and reliancy), insecurities will definitely exist but communication is key, don’t be secretive and make the other party paranoid then all’s well.
2. Going on new adventures, travelling
Some people are reluctant to change, some yearn it. I’m one who embraces change, constantly self improving. If I ever be ‘stagnant’ or even a teeny-weeny bit, I’ll desperately find ways to change my situation (picking up a new hobby etc.). Honestly, I haven’t been out of Singapore, other than to Malaysia – KL, JB once or twice, I know it sounds pathetic, hahaha It has been a dream to step out of home, to travel around the world. Suddenly, I picture a bird wanting to get out of its cage and fly. Anyway back to the topic, it all seems very individualistic and a together-with-friends sort of thing, but since you have a partner, why not plan all these adventures-to-dos and travelling together? Diving, parasailing, cliff jumping, wakeboarding, palm islands, Eiffel tower, backpacking, climb a mountain, jetty picnic etc. The list is endless but you have forever with your love, be sure to include your best friend once in a while, double date double the fun too!
3. Saving money for the future
Honestly, I hate to think about this, why can’t I just be happy, do whatever I want and money is not a care in the world? But yes, when reality kicks in, to survive in a competitive and meritocratic society, money is practical. A house, a car, lifestyle, daily expenses, children…omg I feel like I’m hyperventilating, can I just migrate already?!! Now, remember you’re not alone, discuss with your partner, at least outline a plan (it may seem too early, but trust me, it’s not, because time flies) – when you two are gonna settle down, get a house, how many children etc. and it’s actually fun to actually talk about it! It gives each other a rough gauge and come to a conclusion, thereafter a similar goal to work towards to. No one ever said it was gonna be easy but we should at least try for a better future. It’s never too late to start saving, and early is never enough, so just keep saving (apply for an extra account from another bank for savings and ‘feed’ it money monthly, that’s what I’m doing and it kinda helps?) I had my times when I saw this very beautiful dress….and my pocket will ignite in flames, hahaha
4. Pursuing your goals and dreams
Let me give you an example:
I want to work in advertising agencies, be a writer, open my cafe, maybe an illustrator/designer or sorts, florist/gardener, have my own mini event company etc
My boyfriend (Samuel) wants to be a coach, personal trainer, have his own business, a marine environmentalist, dive and explore the marine life
How are we gonna ever strike a balance? This stresses me out a lot, and because you love the other, you wouldn’t want to selfishly hold him/her back, you want the best for them, be happy, to pursue their dreams as much as you want to pursue yours, yet you still want each other in your lives. That’s a lot of ‘your’ and ‘you’ in one sentence. Anyhow, you two gotta prioritise, see what overlaps, what can be done together. It may not be anything concrete because you don’t see it (I don’t because Samuel just started army), but it’s still a head start and at least both of you know something more about each other! It’s possible, to work around all these. Have a little faith, positivity makes the world go round. Understand your own and your partner’s insecurities (due to family background or past experiences), address them and find a closure, it’ll help tremendously.
For example, one may hate ambiguity because he/she has been led on in a past relationship without given a proper status, and thus he/she thinks a relationship can’t work out without a plan. When in fact, the partner has to help him/her be comfortable and understand that everything happens for a reason and he/she can’t be in control of what’s gonna happen next, but still work out a plan with him/her, warn him/her that plans may not go as planned, reassure him/her if that happens, it doesn’t mean it’s the end of everything.
People who are single in their 20s, in search for their soul-mates will constantly be dating, with the hopes for the one. Now for those who are attached with your potential life partner, you can save those dating time creating life moments and memories with the love of your life, that’s a huge perk! Yea, maybe once in a while, you’ll miss the thrill of meeting someone new, the fun of dating, then reminisce or re-enact the day you guys first met or fake blind date, it sure will be fun and spice up your relationship!
These are some areas of concern that have been on my mind, feeling so contented that I figured them out. Leave a reply if you feel the same way or have more to add-on, I’ll be delighted. After all, we’re learning together and me will be glad to hear some advice or opinions (;